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29 November, 1999 5.00pm pst | Skillet Edition
Did Christ-child Receive BeOS?
the original wise guys

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) While many know of the Bible story where a new-born Jesus receives gifts of "gold, frankincense and myhrr" from three kings or "wise men" from a far-off land, exactly what "myhrr" is has never been clear. Now, theological and archaeological researchers believe that "Myhrr" is in fact a code name for a future release of BeOS.

Theologins and historians alike have never been able to come to agreement on the exact nature of "Myhrr". According to scientists, it is very likely "Myhrr" is the codename for a future BeOS research project.

"Based on recently discovered archaeological evidence and access to Be, Inc. secret laboratories, we have strong reason to believe that the oft-disputed 'myhrr' did in fact refer to an advanced computing device," said Dr. Petra Ilotra.

Exactly when in the future Myrr orginated is at this point unclear, although mastery of some sort of time travel is obviously a pre-requisite. According to Be, Inc. CEO Jean-Louis Gassée, this feature is not present in the next version of BeOS, codenamed Maui.

"If it was to be included, it would definitely be in the /experimental folder," he added.

While the motivations of the future Be engineers could not be deduced from the evidence at hand, the strongest theory suggests they were beta testing some sort of dedicated "Miracle Appliance".

"In the future, those performing miracles won't want to be bogged down with a multi-purpose device - they'll want always-on access to media-rich miracles from an inobtrusive form factor device," explained Ilotra. "This is something BeOS will be well-suited to provide."

Even normally conservative religious leaders are accepting of the theory.

"I have to admit that this theory ties together certain aspects of the miracles and prophesies rather neatly," said Pope John Paul II. "Plus, when I burned the theory in my fireplace it resulted in white smoke - usually a good sign."

Scientists point to Jesus' later endorsement of the BeOS Bible as further evidence.

According to recently discovered documents, there were originally only two wise men following the star to the east. They were then joined by a third who "cameth out of nowhere, and who had many strange manners of being."

Be, Inc. had no comment on this story, stating only that they do not comment on future releases or timestreams.


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