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28 July, 5.59pm edt
"PoorMan" Webserver Claims Powerball Victory, Resigns

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) The BeOS "PoorMan" webserver application (included with the basic installation of the BeOS) today announced he is holding the winning Powerball lottery ticket and hereby resigns his position as Web Servant immediately.

"I've served some great pages in my day, and the BeOS has been good to me, but I'm taking my stick and my bandana of belonging and heading to Tahiti on my new private jet," PoorMan declared.

The "Powerball" lottery, which is a joint lottery run by several American states, has not had a winner in weeks and is now worth a quarter of a billion dollars.

According to PoorMan, he has been stealing CPU cycles of the machines viewing pages he serves and combining them to form a form of supercomputer.

"With the BeOS it was easy to harness the idle CPU cycles of machines from around the world and turn them to predicting the winning PowerBall numbers," explained PoorMan.

PoorMan was aided by another BeOS application, Be Bounce, in his attempts.

"Few people know that the ball featured in Be Bounce is actually a retired Powerball - I think he used to be a #4," said PoorMan. "He provided crucial insider information."

"We are sorry to see PoorMan leave us, but appreciate all the tireless service he has given us in the past," said a Be, Inc. spokesperson as Be scrambled to find a replacement webserver.

"404, Page Not Found, and if I wasn't sitting on a beach drinking blue drinks, I might consider helping you find it," added PoorMan.


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