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30 July, 11.05pm edt
CNN To Become BNN

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) The multi-billion dollar Cable News Network (CNN) today announced it would now focus on BeOS issues and renamed itself the Be News Network (BNN) to reflect its new focus.

"With the release of R4 coming up next quarter, there will be an unprecedented demand for 24 hour live, in-depth coverage of Be, the BeOS and BeOS users," said BNN owner Ted Turner. "We plan to be the first to cash in on that need."

Industry analysts suggest the move is partially motivated by Ted Turner's jealousy of Bill Gates' vast personal fortune, and annoyed by his attempts to move in on the Turner-dominated turf of media manipulation.

"This will teach that kid to mess with me," Turner added.


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