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5 August, 5.52pm edt
BeOS Announces "Portal" Strategy

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Earlier today, Be Inc. announced it was adopting a "portal" strategy for its revolutionary Be Operating System.

The "portal" concept has become so popluar among tech investors that even simply thinking about starting a portal site will cause checks for thousands of dollars to appear in your mailbox.

Soon after the annoucement, Be Inc. Headquarters was beseiged by venture capitalists waving their checkbooks.

"The BeOS will serve as a portal for those seeking more power, efficiency and modern applications from their computer," said Be Inc. CEO Jean-Louis Gassée. "Currently we are the only portal with gateways to SMP, pervasive multi-threading, true multitasking and protected memory."

The use of so many buzzwords caused some venture capitalists to foam at the mouth and/or pass out from over-excitement.

Be plans to use the influx of funding to reverse engineer the damned G3 systems, port the BeOS to Alpha processors and purchase new couches for their top-secret research labs.

Industry analysts speculate that if the BeOS and Yahoo! merged, their combined portal power would expand to dominate the earth and four surrounding planets.

Yahoo!, Inc. stock rose 27% on the speculation.


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