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25 August, 9.18am pdt
Government Crackdown On BeOS

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) In the United States, Be developers are coming together to discuss a growing problem in the development of programs for the BeOS: their government.

Over the past two months, at least nine Be developers have had their work seized by the CIA or NSA in the name of "national security". In all cases, the work was classified as "dangerous munitions", and all computers and documentation related to the work were taken and classified by government agencies.

The programs seized include crytography encoder/decoders, image analysis programs, statistical modelling engines, gene sequencers, particle simulators and other, mostly mathematical, applications.

"I was just putting the finishing touches and my program, which encrypted text based on the statistical analysis of fish moving in a fishtank when the door was kicked open, and twenty CIA agents seized everything in the house remotely resembling a computer, including my television, toaster oven and an old Speak 'n' Spell" said one bewildered developer.

"We are acting in the interests of national security," said Dr. Ruth David, CIA Deputy Director for Science and Technology. "The BeOS has the potential to unleash powers we feel the average citizen is not capable of handling. Anyone who questions us is obviously a card-carrying terrorist sympathizer, and will be brought in for questioning."

Many developers talk of becoming citizens of other countries to continue their work.

"I would happily move to New Zealand to conitnue my work with the BeOS," said one programmers whose hard drive was sprayed with machine-gun fire in a midnight raid.

"That hard drive was an enemy of the state, and its elimination vital to the survival of this nation," added Dr. David.


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