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3 September, 8.20pm pdt
Amazing New BeOS Diet

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) According to reports from inside Be Inc. HQ, not only will BeOS R4 sport a host of new features and improved hardware compatibility, but it will have slimmed down dramatically - as much as 35% according to some reports.

This slimming down comes as a result of a strict diet the BeOS put itself on after the release of version 3.2. Combined with routines of multiple rigorous daily compilings and workouts, this diet has produced an OS leaner, faster and with tighter buns than before.

While the loss of code bloat is almost always a cause for celebration, some BeOS engineers are concerned.

"After the release of version 3.2, BeOS retreated into a routine of massive code reduction and optimization," explained one Be kernel engineer. "It would only reluctantly accept new code, and even then would take in a bare minimum. I tried to tell BeOS how fast and efficient it was already, but my pleas fell on deaf registers."

"The BeOS is obsessed with being the fastest, leanest OS out there, and works tirelessly towards that goal, putting aside its own concerns," agreed another project leader. "While this is wonderful for the end-user, who enjoys the results of this dedication, it sometimes makes us engineers worry."

Be, Inc. added that rumors that the National Enquirer had obtained the diet for publication were totally false.


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