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16 October, 5.37pm pdt
McDonald's Files Lawsuit vs. Be

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Fast-food giant McDonald's Corporation today filed an injuction seeking to prevent Be, Inc. in the production and distribution of the BeOS.

At the heart of the lawsuit is the claim by McDonald's that the Be "willfully, severely and knowingly" undermines their business via the BeOS.

"Our statistics show that those who use the BeOS are more productive than those who don't," said McDonald's Media Relations Manager Chuck Ebeling. "Since they get their work done more quickly, they have more time to plan and cook a 'regular' meal, instead of grabbing a quick fix at McDonald's in between reboots."

"It is true that the BeOS gives people more free time," said Be, Inc. CEO Jean-Louis Gassée, "but what they choose to do with their free time is up to them. We don't force anyone to avoid fast food places."

But Ebeling claims Be, Inc. is the tool of a vast conspiracy.

"Be is obviously funded by a secret consortium of sneaky organic farmers, environmentalists, upscale restaurants, health nuts, grocery stores, doctors, concerned parents, nutritionists and others who wish to steal our customers," Ebeling charged. "Why else would their first target be 'geeks' - the very heart of the fast food industry in many parts of the world?"

Be, Inc. refused to comment on these allegations, dismissing them as "ludicrous".

Those who wish to advocate for the dismissal of this lawsuit should contact the San Mateo County Clerk's office or complain directly to the managers of their local McDonald's.


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