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20 October, 6.02pm pdt
Microsoft Denies Everything

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) In a move that shocked industry analysts, Microsoft Corp. today denied all charges brought against it by the United States Department of Justice.

"I'll begin by saying everything the prosecutor has just said is totally wrong," Microsoft's lawyer, John Warden, said as he outlined the defense case in his opening statement in the landmark antitrust case.

"This is certainly shocking, headline news," gasped industry commentator Jesse Berst. "The consensus among us experts was that Microsoft would simply admit everything and submit its fate to the wisdom of the courts. Clearly this is not the case."

The trial, which was originally expected to last two days, might now take as long as six weeks to complete.

"Damn, I'll have to cancel my vacation and rewrite all my columns too," Berst added.


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