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29 October, 5.05pm pst
New Super Computer Runs BeOS

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Vice President Al Gore today stunned onlookers as he installed the BeOS at the unveiling of the world's fastest computer, able to make 3.9 trillion calculations per second.

The computer was developed under a $96 million research contract between the Department of Energy and IBM and is powered by more than 5,800 processors, is connected by more than five miles (8 km) of cable and contains more than 25 trillion transistors.

"Obviously, this kind of hardware deserves an OS that will tap into and unleash this power to its fullest potential," Gore said as he departed from his expected script.

Secret Service agents held technicians at bay as Gore inserted a BeOS R4b3 CD into the 400x CD-ROM drive.

Gore treated the captive crowd to a souped-up version of the BeOS demo, at one point playing every movie ever made simultaneously.

"And yet, the OS remains responsive," Gore commented, zipping through menus and launching 300 games of Quake II.

Gore departed only after technicians were convinced the BeOS would make the best use of their new hardware.

Political analysts agree the widespread adoption of the BeOS is somehow critical to Gore's future Presidential campaign.


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