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3 November, 5.52pm pst
BeOS Gives ABCNews.com Election Scoop

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) An experimental BeOS pattern-recognition program, meant to assist ABCNews.com in reporting election results faster than their rivals, published its results on the ABCNews.com web site because someone didn't realize the intelligence of the program.

Anonymous sources inside the United States National Security Agency (NSA) contacted Be Dope soon after election results were displayed on ABCNews.com a full eighteen hours before the polls opened.

"We recognized right away that ABCNews.com had somehow obtained pattern-recognition software our engineers have developed for internal NSA use," said our source. "Of course, they didn't fully understand what they had there, and we saw that a misconfiguration had allowed the software to infiltrate their entire network and 'helpfully' publish the results as they were completed."

Although ABCNews.com quickly developed a cover story for the public, the damage was done. NSA agents stormed ABC headquarters, retrieved the software, arrested the technical crew and terminated several senior officers who tried to conceal themselves as extras on the set of "Home Improvement".

At press time, as some polls are closing, the predictions of the BeOS software have proved accurate to 0.0000001 of a percentage point.


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