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11 December, 2.44pm pst
Dianetics Denounces BeOS

Yesterday, the Church of Scientology International announced it will begin legal proceedings in an effort to cease shipment of BeOS R4 and dismantle Be, Inc. They claim the BeOS makes unauthorized use of several patents they hold.

Soon after this announcement, Be Dope reporters gained access to internal memos and documents that discuss the "Dianetics Code", the BeOS and the true motives behind these legal manuevers.

Dianetics, described by Church of Scientology Officials as "what the soul is doing to the body through the mind" is a spiritual philosphy based on the book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, authored by L. Ron Hubbard in 1950. The movement has gained a healthy number of followers and generated a significant amount of money for the Church of Scientology since then.

Their clash with the BeOS began years ago as an elite group of encryption specialists began work on a BeOS client to search for patterns in the King James Bible. Partly, it was this research that led to some of the information in the best-selling The Bible Code.

After the Bible, the team commenced searching other religious and famous text for hidden patterns, since the Bible Code publishers were demanding a sequel. They were having no luck until one of them fed in a copy of Dianetics, presumably on a whim.

"It was a rough day and I thought it would be fun to see what happened," said the team lead in an email sometime before he was blown to pieces by a car bomb. "The results were astonishing.

Breaking the "Dianetics Code" reveals chapters such as "How to avoid taxes via tax-free church status", "Winning celebreties to your cause," "Draining every possible dollar from people's savings accounts," and "Seminars that perpetuate the system while raking in the dough."

The two remaining encryption team members worked to make the information public, right up to the day they were mysterious gunned down in a drive-by shooting in a small town in Iowa.

Be Dope investigators attempted to recover any remaining work from their lab, but unfortunately it seems it was burnt to the ground in a fire dubbed "suspicious" by fire department officials.

In memos obtained from the Church of Scientology, it is stated that "Phase I, elimination of exisiting Dianetics Codebreaking Technology, is now complete. Phase II, elimination of underlying codebreaking technology, is about to commence." The memo was dated two days before legal proceeding against Be, Inc. were announced.

Church of Scientology International President, Rev. Heber C. Jentzsch, disputed the claims.

"These are utter falsehoods, fabricated by those who fear the truth," Jentzsch stated.

Publishers of The Bible Code could not be reached for comment.

"Please, let me know your full name and address, so i can have some Church representatives come and explain everything to you," Jentzsch added.


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