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5 January, 4.48pm
BeOS Brains Behind Van Gogh Forgeries

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) The art world was shocked today when it was revealed that several "recently discovered" works by artist Vincent Van Gogh are in fact forgeries made possible by the BeOS.

Several students of the School of Visual Arts in New York City have claimed responsibility for the deception, claiming it was a research project that "got a bit out of control."

According to authorities, the forgeries were discovered when certain paintings were x-rayed for insurance purposes, revealing the words "This is a fake" along with the names of the students responsible written in felt-tip marker on the canvas below the paint.

The United States Art Enforcement Agency (AEA) worked closely with museum officials around the world to subsequently examine all Van Gogh paintings "discovered" in the last few years. Without fail, each painting contained similiar information hidden beneath the surface of the painting.

AEA agents stormed the studio of Davis Loomis, a School of Visual Arts student whose name was among those listed on the forged paintings. Taken into evidence was paints, brushes, art history books, a BeBox and a set of Lego Mindstorms.

Faced with the evidence before him, Loomis soon confessed.

"It all started as an experiment," Loomis explained. "Could a computer be programmed to imitate the style of a famous painter to the point where even experts cannot tell the difference?"

According to Loomis' confession, early attempts fell flat, and virtually no progress was made until they borrowed the BeBox from a friend.

"Suddenly, the computer was able to integrate with the massive amount of input we fed it and still successfully control the robotic arm we built using the Lego Mindstorm kit," said Loomis.

Along with a massive neural net which included all of Van Gogh's acutal works and detailed analysis of his style, the group was for the first time simultaneously run a mental_anguish_server. The two apps worked together to communicate with the paintbrush_server, which controlled the Lego robot arm.

The team knew they had made progress when they woke up to discover the BeBox had used the robotic arm to remove its own case and cut out one of its processors with a putty knife.

"The paintings came soon after that," revealed Loomis. "Our original plan was to sell just one painting, reveal the origin and return the money."

According to authorities, the students went from being starving artists to well-fed, oppulent, self-indulging, consumer-crazy, designer drug consuming and lavish party throwing artists almost overnight."

"There was no turning back," Loomis added.

At press time, the BeBox was reported to be in critical but stable condition at Mt. Sinai Medical Center and will receive psychological counseling as its condition improves.


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