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7 January, 6.02pm
BeOS Set-top Box Rumors

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Recently, several rumors have made its way to Be Dope offices of a BeOS "set-top" box with the working code name of "Kovacs".

According to scattered reports, the prototype has several undocumented "features" that have surfaced in early alpha testing:

Intelligence Filter:
Kovacs will flat-out refuse to broadcast shows that are actually harmful to the viewer's intelligence (examples include reruns of Family Matters and 82% of the shows on the WB network). Alpha testers report after an initial frustration they soon felt noticably smarter and could not recall why they would ever want to watch the programs in the first place.

Ad filtering:
Besides providing a simple interface for recording programs, Kovacs will automatically filter out all commercials. When watching in real-time, commercials can be blanked out and replaced with web pages, music and/or relaxing images.

BS Detection
Kovacs will alert you whenever it detects a less than truthful tone in non-entertainment content. Optionally, it will then translate and present subtitles in realtime. The translator can also be used to decipher foreign language channels, lawyer-speak, politician-speak and car leasing terms into common English.

Search By Content:
If you're not sure what program you want to watch, simply describe what you're in the mood for and Kovacs will scan the available channels and report back with summaries of matches.

Sitcom Projection:
After the first four minutes of any sitcom, Kovacs will project and summarize what will happen, thus releasing you of having to actually watch the program.

Follow the Money:
During newscasts, Kovacs will trace exactly how a story benefits the parent company of the network broadcasting it.

For some reason, even scrambled channels tune in clearly and without fail.

Be Dope will report on this as events develop.


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