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12 January, 2.15pm
Gates Invited To Join Horsemen

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) At a press conference today, the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse (Death, Warfare, Famine and Pestilence) announced they have invited Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft, to become the Fifth Horseman of the Apocolypse, marking the first time the group has expanded in all of recorded history.

"He's the most promising candidate to come along in centuries," said Death. "He's been doing an impressive job on his own, and we feel working together we can really raise hell."

"The mere shadow of Bill Gates passing over some companies signals their demise, their personal apocolypse," explained Warfare. "We don't think it will take much training to have all in this realm fear his very name. Our market research shows many already do."

Gates is said to be "considering the offer".

"Actually, he sort of gives me the willies," added Famine.


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