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28 January, 4.56pm pst
Be Dope Mentioned In Microsoft Trial

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Microsoft lawyers turned to an unlikely source for their clients early Thursday morning when they entered several stories from Be Dope into evidence.

"We do have competition, I swear," said Bill Neukom, the company's lead in-house lawyer. "Just look at these reports of cybernetic implants, artificial intelligence, survellience satellites and other such marvels of technology - all using the BeOS! We not only have competition, we have a lot of innovating to do to catch up with them!"

Unfortunately for Microsoft, there was a tragic flaw in the use of this defense: all the stories cited referred to top-secret government projects which according to the United States government officially do not exist. In some cases the very agencies employing the technology that does not exist do not exist themselves. Thus, none of the documents were admissable as evidence.

"Try to compromise national security again, and I'll hold you in contempt," added Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson

Under cross-examination, top government lawyer Boies then got Microsoft senior official Paul Maritz to admit Microsoft lawyers attempted to shut down Be Dope on several occassions with no success.

"With one hand they hold us up in their defense, all the while trying to strangle us with the other hand," I commented to the press. "These actions, while sickening, are hardly surprising."


New Stories
New stories by the author of Be Dope can be found at Segfault.org

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