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8 January, 2001 9.22am pst | Pablo Edition
"e Villa" Just Plain "Evil"?

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) When Be Inc. introduced BeIA, competitors and analysts wondered how BeIA managed to shoehorn an amazing amount of power and features into such a tiny footprint. With Sony's release of the e Villa, some claim the answer is now obvious: Be has signed a deal with the Devil.

"Of course you won't see that on their press release page," said John C. Dvorak.

"The fabulous multimedia experience, the small memory requirement, the surprising responsiveness of the interface - long have we suspected these traits to be the work of the Dark Prince," explained Bob Jacobs, President of the consumer watchdog group DBG! (Devil Be Gone!).

"The mission of DBG! is to warn consumers who are otherwise upstanding Christian citizens of products that might trick them into letting the work of the Devil into their homes," said Jacobs. "We've had our eye on these Be people from the start."

According to Jacobs, the release of Sony's e Villa is irrefutable proof of what they believe is a long-standing, deep-rooted association between Be and the Devil.

"Whenever you see 'evil' somewhere within a product, it sets off a few flags," Jacobs proclaimed. "For the Devil to negotiate it into the very first syllable of the product name itself, well, I can only imagine the power Be got in return. Add in the fact that the deal is with Sony, manufacturers of the accursed Walkman, which pipes the music of the Damned directly into the souls of our unsuspecting youths, and you have quite the alliance of evil indeed."

Other e Villa features have raised additonal alarm with the DBG!

"This auto-update in the middle of the night is clearly trouble," lamented Jacobs. "First, as is well-known, the night and its Darkness belongs to the Devil and his kin. Second, we all know the type of information the Devil will download in the witching-hour - indecent images, free thought, the theory of evolution and other Unspeakable Horrors!"

Jacobs then played for Be Dope reporters an alleged copy of Sony's television commercial for the e Villa. After impressively showing off its benefits, the commercial ends with a voiced over tagline stating: "e Villa: So Easy, It's Sinful" folllowed by soft yet maniacal laughter.

"Beware all Good Citizens! Beware the Devil that lurks first in your appliances, then your home, and finally your very heart and soul," added Jacobs.


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