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2 June, 2000 4.21pm pdt | Reheat Edition
prime target

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Officials at San Jose International Airport have chosen BeIA as the core technology behind a new weapons system that is being built with the sole intention of shooting down Oracle CEO Larry Ellison's private plane whenever it tried to take off or land outside normal operating hours.

"As reported often in the press, Ellison routinely violates airport regulations, flying in and out of the airport at all hours, disturbing city residents, despite repeated complaints and citations," said SJO chairman Brooks Thomas Mancini.

"The next warning he'll get is a shot across the nose of his jet," Mancini chuckled.

The new weapon system will reportedly make use of the latest in laser and sonic disruptor technology and be controlled by a user-friendly BeIA appliance. All air traffic controllers will receive training on the device.

"We designed this system not only with maximum destructive power in mind, but also with the strong sense of irony involved in using an 'upstart' OS to finally solve this problem," Mancini added.


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