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24 April, 2000 2:55pm pst | Bananafish Edition
BeOS 5 Stability Warning
Inside BeOS: Technical Report

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Mass downloads of BeOS 5 over the past few weeks have led to the discovery of new stability issues seemingly related to the running of the OS. Reportedly, higher concentrations of BeOS installations have led to increased occurrances of distortions in the fabric of space time and higher frequencies of quantum fluctuation.

While current studies are inconclusive, the advanced nature of several BeOS algorithms and the experimental use of quantum computing constructs are suspected to be the cause of the new instabilities.

"Before, you had perhaps 100,000 BeOS installations spread around the globe - not a statistically signficant amount to cause such reality fluctuations," said Dr. Stephen Hawking, expert in the field of quantum physics. "Now, with installations estimated to be over one million, and constantly rising, the concentration of running code becomes high enough to create 'quantum ripples' in the space-time continuum.

Symptons of this problem include, but are not limited to, instances of time running backwards and sometimes sideways. You may also experience the occasional temporal fugue and chronic historisis.

If you experience any of these symptons you should immediately shut down your computer, unless you happen to enjoy that sort of thing.

While the disturbances for now are typically mild, and oftimes amusing, Hawking believes the problems could become severe.

"As the BeOS installed base continues to expand, the danger of progressing to disturbances that are not self-healing are frighteningly real, threatening to tear apart reality as we know it," explained Hawking.

BeOS engineers are already at work at a patch, and expect to have it in place before any dangerous levels of instability are released. The patch will detect any disturbances on the quantum level, trace it back to the computers causing it and self-install on the machines as needed.


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