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29 March, 2000 3.48pm pst | U-turn Edition
Victoria's Secret: BeOS
the secret is out

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) The lingerie industry was rocked to its foundation yesterday when Victoria's Secret, the most highly guarded secret in undergarment history, was revealed by a Nightline undercover ivestigation. Even more shocking than the fact of its discovery was the secret itself: BeOS.

"Models, already prepped by wardrobe, makeup and duct tape specialists would then sit down in front of a computer. Shockingly, this computer would be running BeOS. Before my very eyes I saw women transformed from mere symbols of unattainable beauty to creatures capable of convincing ordinary women all they need is some underwire to look like that and inspiring the average man to believe his wife would truly enjoy some sheer catsuit underwear and a matched set of thong panties."

Faced with the evidence, Victoria's Secret spokespeople confirmed the report.

"Just a few minutes of using BeOS gives the models that extra edge, that come-hither look, that quality of projecting she has experiences far beyond yours. Basically, a look that says, 'I am into SMP and I don't care who knows'".

Spokespeople also admit that with the release and rampant downloading of BeOS 5, the jig is up.

"While BeOS has always enjoyed a dedicated following, it was a relitively small dedicated following. Now, with millions of folks downloading BeOS for free, the models are becoming less effective. In fact, about 30% of calls to our catalog number yesterday were people wondering if the models used BeOS. Sure, the remaining 70% were orders for push-up bras and assorted lace items, but with the rapid spread of BeOS, it can't last."

Victoria plans to have a new secret in place by late spring.


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