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8 December, 1999 4.30pm pst | Boxer Edition
Be Taps Font Fusion Energy Source
Font Fusion - So hot it's Cold

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Be, Inc. today announced an agreement with Bitstream to become the first operating system to license their Font Fusion technology. Unlike elusive "cold fusion" engines, Font Fusion has been proven to be a cheap, environmentally friendly and nearly endless supply of energy.

Here's how it works: whenever a BeOS user comes across a document using a seemingly random jumble of fonts (whether it be a newsletter, presentation or poorly designed web page) the Font Fusion engine will kick in and unify the diverse fonts into a more aesthetically pleasing display.

The fusion of fonts leaves the engine with a surplus of pixels, which are then converted directly into energy.

"This energy can then be used to power the computer of appliance itself, massively extending the battery life of laptops and other portable devices," said Be CTO Steve Sakoman.

Early next quarter, a special adapter will be made availabe. This adapter allows the user to transfer energy from a desktop computer to the rest of the home.

"The high number of poorly designed websites alone gives the average websurfer enough power to run not only a computer and monitor, but usually a refrigerator and perhaps even a waffle iron," explained Sakoman.

Industry analysts agree there is little danger of web site creators suddenly discovering proper font-using habits, ensuring a continuing and reliable source of raw material for the Font Fusion engine.

"Mmmmm waffles," added Sakoman.


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