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29 October, 1999 4.02pm pdt | Igor Edition
BeOS Adapts To Undead Market

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) The Undead: beyond-the-grave nuisances or vast untapped market for computer devices? In a new whitepaper, Be outlines the advantages BeOS offers computer manufacturers seeking to serve exciting new vertical markets previously neglected by just about everyone.

"Recent market research has shown that not only have the undead adopted computer technology, but that they are often quite unhappy with it," said Be, Inc. EVP of Sales and Marketing Roy Graham. "Obviously this presents a market opportunity to whoever steps in and fills their special needs."

Be Dope has obtained a copy of a whitepaper scheduled to be published on the Be website some time next week. The working title is: "BeOS: The Media OS for broadband digital wireless e-commerce set-top convergence gaming kitchen internet appliances. And now the Undead."

The whitepaper cites how everything from indexed file attributes to custom interfaces to small footprint give them a significant advantage in the undead market. Graham was eager to comment on the whitepaper.

"Zombies only know one word - 'Unnnhhhhh'. They are a perfect example of a demographic that would benefit from a Web Appliance with a custom-made, very basic touch-screen interface."

Vampires, on the other hand, prefer juicier desktop systems.

"They [vampires] are always thinking long-term. They raved about Be's indexable file attributes as a means to keep track of people encountered over the centuries. Obviously data integrity is a concern. And of course the fact that BeOS can easily handle petabytes of information is a big plus."

"Ghosts have a unique need for 'thin client' solutions. Nothing makes a ghost easier to discover than a 6 pound laptop floating clumsily down the hall. BeOS allows for devices that let restless spirits check appointments, access data about the subjects they are haunting in real time over the Internet and keep an eye on all rooms in the house via live video feeds. Plus, it's easy to manage and playback a large database of spooky haunting-type sounds. All this in a device unobtrusive enough to be easily hidden by the slightest shadows."

Be stock foated eerily up several points on the news.


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