; ) Be Dope archive *  icon tarot *  qJLG * haiku
interviews *  bookstore *  newsletter

visit mikepop.net for more info about Mike Popovic

20 October, 1999 4.02pm pdt | Salamandar Edition
DEA Seizes BeOS Shipment
pure adrenaline

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) Members of the United States Drug Enforcement Agency seized a shipment of BeOS boxes en route to Fry's Electronic's in Palo Alto. The DEA acted after an official reviewed a BeOS box claiming BeOS provides "pure adrenaline" to personal computers.

"Our first clue was the words 'pure adrenaline' in 38pt boldface type along the top of the back of the BeOS box," said DEA officer Randy Frycz. "We started our investigation by installing BeOS."

DEA studies soon showed that yes, there was adrenaline, and yes, it was pure.

"This is some of the purest stuff we've ever seen this side of Columbia," said Frycz. "My computer started playing several movies simultaneosly, mixing sounds in 3D and performing other tasks it never could without first taking a hit of BeOS."

Although he could cite no laws regarding computer-enhancing drugs, Frycz was confident there must be some.

"No way can it be legal to get your PC this hopped up," explained Frycz. "It's more addicting than heroin - I still can't go back to using my PC with other, non-adrenalin enhanced operating systems."

"We've also have several reports of kids getting a hold of BeOS and allegedly taking hits of the adrenaline which is so pure it almost cancels out their doses of Ritalin," added Frycz.

Be, Inc. has filed an appeal to the charges and assures users their supply of pure adrenalin will not be cut off.

"Our adrenalin is supplied directly from the enthusiasm of our engineers," said Be, Inc. CEO Jean-Louis Gassée. "Before we started siphoning it directly into BeOS, we had to peel them off the ceiling every morning."

In responding to claims that some PC unable to handle the pure adrenalin would sometimes hallucinate, leap off tall buildings and/or meltdown, Gassée replied, "We have those compatibility lists for good reason."


New Stories
New stories by the author of Be Dope can be found at Segfault.org

e Villa Celebration
Did you know all of Be Dope's e Villa stories are available via one handy page?

Be Dope Merchandise
These remaining tshirts are sure to be a collector's item someday. Buy now.

Home | qJLG | Icon Tarot | Story Archive | Interviews | Bookstore | Newsletter | About | Advertise | Contact