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23 July, 1999 10.00am pdt
Be Shifts Focus To Cloning, For Now

BE DOPE NEWS (BDN) At a press conference today, Be, Inc. announced it would spend 36 million dollars on "cloning and other related research and technologies". According to Be EVP of Marketing and Sales Roy Graham, this in fact will enable them to improve BeOS by several orders of magnitude in the long run.

"We've determined an investment in cloning now is the most optimal route to improving the delivery of future BeOS releases," said Graham.

After several weeks of analysis, Be executives came to the conclusion that they had the best possible collection of engineers working on BeOS. Further study showed that developing cloning technology was in fact more efficient than looking for new recruits and bringing them up to speed.

"For a while now it seemed like the percentage of clueless people applying for jobs here was steadily increasing," explained Be's recruiter Laurie Gamelsky. "Then we realized that the intelligence of job candidates was remaining constant, but the combined talent of the current team was increasing at an exponential rate. The learning curve of coming on board became so steep it caused otherwise talented individuals to run weeping from the building."

Be will be turning this talent to developing a rapid deployment system of cloning. They are encouraged by their progress so far although Be's QA Manager Baron Arnold has described the beta testing process as "a slightly more dangerous and surreal experience."

Also revealed at the press conference was Be's plans for expansion outside their Menlo Park campus.

"We can't have all these clones in one place. For one the potential for mischief would be unacceptably high. Also, there are the ego clashes to consider. Plus, the community of Menlo Park would not survive the increased demand for burrittos and kung pow chicken."

"By popular request, we will not be cloning Gassée," Graham added.


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