Nine Out Of Every Ten Prefer BeOS
In a "blind" comparison test conducted by independent testing firm Gainer and Joice, nine out of every ten people surveyed found the BeOS more refreshing than the ice-cold taste of Coca-Cola.

In this scientific study held at the Palisades Mall, randomly chosen people were asked to compare the BeOS with a glass of Coca-Cola. The identity of each product was concealed throughout the testing.

For 90% of people, the BeOS was the clear winner.

"Well, the Coca-Cola was certainly cool and tasty, but being able to use multiple processors, multitask several apps without crashing and easily work with digital media was much more refreshing," said one test subject.

"I found the BeOS to be much more responsive," reported another subject. "It responded instantly to my commands while it took several glasses of Coca-Cola to quench my thirst."

While pleased with the results of the study, Be Inc. CEO John-Louis Gassée was quick to point out that the BeOS was designed to exist alongside popular soft drink products, not replace them.

BeOS Cut From "Deep Impact"
Paramount Pictures announced yesterday that the BeOS, which was to be featured heavily in the blockbuster movie Deep Impact, ended up on the cutting room floor during post-production.

"It was a tough decision to make," said Executive Producer Steven Spielberg, "since I personally am a big fan of the BeOS and all the technical advisors we worked with use the BeOS on a daily basis and rave about it. Many government agencies use the BeOS, so it made sense to reflect this in the movie."

The problems cited were in fact the BeOS' greatest strengths: it's power, efficiency and versatility.

"Any storyline that included in the BeOS in any capacity resulted in either the destruction or deflection of the comet on a collision course with Earth," Spielberg explained. "To have the characters fail while using the BeOS was simply unrealistic."

Those wishing to catch the BeOS on the big screen in addition to their computer screens should keep a careful eye on Godzilla, opening 20 May.

Jean-Louis Gassée To Embark On "Extreme" BeOS Tour
In an effort to call attention the extreme power of the BeOS, Be, Inc. CEO Jean-Louis Gassée will embark on the "Extreme BeOS Tour". The tour will consist of Gassée performing challenging feats around the world while using the BeOS

"The BeOS was designed from the ground-up to perform in environments that would crush ordinary operating systems," said Gassée. "It makes sense to demonstrate this power in situations that would crush ordinary CEOs."

The tour will begin in San Francisco, where Gassée will bungee jump from the Golden Gate bridge while simultaneously playing six movies and merging seven spreadsheets on a custom-designed laptop running BeOS R3.

Other stops on the tour have Gassée swimming with sharks in Australia, surfing Tsunamis in Japan, gravity racing down mountains in Nepal, hang gliding in New Zeland, dog sled racing through Siberia, and rollerblading through the streets of Manhattan during rush hour. Through it all, Gassée will simultaneously perform challenging computing tasks using the BeOS.

The tour will conclude in Paris, France, where Gassée will climb the Eiffel Tower, leap from the top and use an air surfboard to return to earth.

"This tour makes my nipples hard," concluded Gassée.

Be Ports BeOS To Kitchen Appliances
Be, Inc. announced today that it will soon port the BeOS to run on a wide array of kitchen appliances, including blenders, toaster ovens, refrigerators, coffee makers and microwaves.

"We had just finished up some fixes for the Intel version of the BeOS (R3.1)," said Steve Sakoman, Vice President, Engineering, "and were taking a break in the Be kitchen. Some of the engineers started joking around about networking all the appliances using the BeOS. Soon after it moved from absurd notion to reality."

The BeOS for Kitchens (K1) brings all the advantages of the BeOS to your home. For example:

• Symmetric Multiprocessing: BeOS K1 harnesses the power of one, two, four or more appliances. Power from idle appliances is applied to working appliances, allowing you to squeeze more power out of your existing hardware. Turn your regular oven into a high-temperature pizza oven. Use your current refrigerator to create freeze-dried food. Crank your blender and puree some coconuts.

• Pervasive Multicooking: Recipes are broken down into hundreds of smaller tasks that can be quickly switched in and out as you prepare different dishes, and distributed across any number of appliances. One recipe might be broken down into separate jobs that run on the regular oven, toaster oven, crock pot, and hotplate, reducing preparation time.

• Protected Memory: If one job should fail, BeOS K1 cleans up the mess and continues preparing the rest of the recipes normally. So if the toast burns, you'll still be eating your egg white omelette and drinking hot chocolate on time.

• Internet Ready: Using a microwave oven to create a microwave link to the Internet, BeOS K1 provides a wealth of integrated Internet services. Log into your kitchen from any location and review recipes, make menu changes and begin preparing meals remotely from anywhere on the Internet using the Telnet standard.

BeOS for Kitchens will be premiered at the Be Pavilion at PC Expo in June.