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Article Archive - 23 March to 27 March, 1998

27 March, 11.46am est

BeOS Deprograms Cult Victims
The BeOS was instrumental in deprogramming several dozen victims of a wide-spread technology cult, according to several sources speaking out against the cult's activity on the campus of the University of Wisconsin.

"Cult recruiting on college campuses is a fairly standard mode of operation," said cult-breaking expert and psychologist Dr. Thomas Baker, "students are young, impressionable and often on their own for the first time."

The wide-reaching Cult of Microsoft has the added advantage of having members at the administrative level, so their philosophies are presented by people students perceive to be "in charge" and "knowledgable".

The cult managed to raise the suspicion of one student's parent who kept calling with requests for more money to "upgrade his system".

"Hell, I brought that computer just a few months ago for him to use at college, yet every week I would get a call asking for some money to upgrade the system. First he needed more memory, then software upgrades, then a larger hard drive, then more memory again, all in the space of a few weeks! He told me it was the only way to 'keep his system from crashing' and to fit all the 'absolutely necessary software' and keep his machine up to date," said the parent of one of the victims.

Suspecting foul play, the parent contacted other other parents in the area and discovered that they had similar experiences.

Dr. Thomas Baker was then contacted. He consulted with a local computer user group that had recently adopted the BeOS. Impressed with its ability, they planned the next stage of the attack.

Dr. Baker's group hung several fliers advertising a "Free Windows 95 Help Session" around the campus. After several dozen students wandered glassy-eyed into the auditorium at the appointed time, the doors were closed and bolted.

The students had been programmed to reject ideas going against Microsoft in very specific ways. For example, if someone mentioned the Mac OS, they would sneer and say "You can't get any good software for that" or "They'll be out of business in a few months". Any mention of UNIX or Linux would cause eye-rolling and a comment along the lines of "That is only for the mad scientists of the world."

However, when asked about the BeOS, the students could not form an answer and simply looked confused. "This often happens when brainwashed people are asked a question they have not received specific instructions on," said Baker.

Breakthroughs were made soon after some amazing demos of the BeOS and various BeOS applications.

"I couldn't believe it," said one ex-victim, "there were so many things running at once and yet the machine did not crash, or even slow to a crawl."

"It installed in under fifteen minutes," said another, "It seems almost silly now that I would spend a few hours each weak re-installing Windows, and think nothing of it - I assumed that was a normal situation for any computer user."

"I lost so much time and work because my entire machine would crash when just one application had trouble," said another ex-victim, "but I thought that's just how computers worked."

A spokesperson for Microsoft insisted the organization was a "software company" and not a cult. "We simply want to be on every type of computer in every part of the world, thus debting the Earth to us to the point of total domination," said the spokesperson, "that is not a cult - that is simply good business."

Dr. Baker sees the BeOS as a tremendous opportunity to free people ensnared by the Cult of Microsoft.

"The raw power combined with the wide range of imaginative and useful apps makes for a powerful demo," said Baker, who encourages Be enthusiasts to show off their machines every chance they get.

26 March, 10.26am est
Software Pirates Set Sights On BeOS
The BeOS for Intel release (R3) has caught the attention of not only the media and power users everywhere, but of software pirates as well.

"This is unfortunate, but not unexpected," said Be Inc. CEO John-Louis Gassée, "with any software as desirable as the BeOS is, there will be those so taken with its power that they are driven to have it at any cost, including theft and piracy."

The first attack came as a shipload of R3 CDs headed across San Francisco Bay towards Be Inc.'s headquarters. With a cry of "Avast ye maties!" a ship came up alongside and attempted to board Be's vessel (The MediaBlitz) and make off with the CDs.

However, Be was not caught unprepared. The ship's captain, known only as "Baron", bellowed an order and several previously-hidden cannons sprung to life and fired upon the pirate ship.

The pirates, momentarily caught off guard, soon retaliated with weapons stolen from one of id's ships during a daring raid on a shipment of Quake2 CDs. A fierce firefight ensued, with The MediaBlitz's superior maneuvering speed allowing for daring attacks and split-second escapes under Baron's command.

However, things were beginning to look bleak when Baron suddenly came up close to the pirate vessel and swung from the mainsail to board their ship. Fighting off their crew with his rapier and flintlocks, Baron soon took control of one of the ships weapon's, and turned it on the ship itself, wounding it beyond hope.

Baron dove from the sinking pirate vessel and returned to The MediaBlitz. Pirates attempting to escape the sinking ship were picked up by the Coast Guard. It is suspected over 20,000 pirated Quake2, Warcraft and other popular CDs sank to the bottom of the bay.

"Pirates beware! The BeOS will not be taken," Baron declared to a cheering crowd.

25 March, 10.55am est
Be Inc. Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize
A source inside theNobel Foundation, speaking on condition of anonymity, sent this email to Be Dope late last night:
"Just thought you would like to know that the Nobel Foundation is considering Be Inc. for this year's Nobel Prize for Peace. Their accomplishment in designing such a powerful operating system that runs both on a PPC and Intel platform is considered astounding. Several committee members secretly attended the BeDC last week, and they have not stopped talking about the applications they saw demonstrated. By engineering its OS to run on both popular chips, Be has done much to diffuse the 'platform wars'.

Another factor is the strong international presence Be is already generating. Users, developers and software companies span the globe and can be found in almost all countries of the world. Some of the more technical folks here speak of citizens of different lands working and playing together effortlessly through BMessages and Relay technology. Not being technically oriented, I'm not sure what that means exactly, but it sounds like Be will be a major player in making the Earth a truly global village. I wish them luck!"

Be Dope supports Be Inc.'s efforts in bringing about world peace through better computing, and wishes the Be team luck in the upcoming Nobel elections.
24 March, 10.13am est
President Clinton Continues African BeOS Promotional Tour
United States President Bill Clinton continues his two-week African tour in Uganda today, promoting the BeOS after receiving a warm and enthusiastic welcome yesterday.

His triumphant arrival in Ghana Monday, where he hailed a "new African renaissance" in a speech before hundreds of thousands of enthusiastic Ghanaians, climaxed with a demo of the BeOS.

"I thought it was wonderful. I've never seen so many people at an event," Clinton said Tuesday, although he acknowledged his consternation at the surging crowds who sought to get to the BeOS demo machine. Images of Clinton emphatically urging the crowd to back off were flashed back to the United States.

To prepare for the trip, Clinton worked extensively with Be's Alex "Demo God" Osadzinski.

"With the power of the BeOS, just a few machines can fulfill the computing needs of the entire country, get people on the Internet and let them interact with the global community," Clinton stated to a cheering crowd.

Clinton is expected to face a tougher challenge today in Uganda, where a "no-party" computing system has been dominated by Microsoft Windows. In his meeting with Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni, Clinton is expected to nudge Museveni toward opening up the country's "no-party" computing system, while saluting Uganda's economic gains and donating several BeOS-ready computers.

"I recognize the challenge present in Uganda, but am confident of the persuasiveness the raw power the BeOS delivers," said Clinton.

Oscar Winners Sing Praises of BeOS
The BeOS played a pivotal role in producing Oscar-winning effects, according to several members of the technical team who worked on Titanic.

"The BeOS helped us layer the score, general ambience and dialogue to create an audio canvas rich and textured," said Gary Rydstrom, accepting the Academy Award for Sound.

Tom Bellfort and Christopher Boyes, in their acceptance speech for Sound Effects Editing, said the BeOS "allowed us to produce superior results with greater speed than any other sound-editing tool at our disposal."

Accepting the Oscar for Visual Effects, Robert Legato thanked John-Louis Gassée and the entire Be team for their efforts and praised the BeOS for "letting us unleash our imaginations by being years ahead of anything else out there."

23 March, 10.45am est
Vice President Al Gore Among Surprise Guests at BeDC
Last week's Be Development Conference in Santa Clara, California, was the scene for surprise appearances by many who came out to see the "bleeding edge" of technology. Among those surprise guests was United States Vice President, Al Gore.

"I have been following the progress of the BeOS daily and have it installed on several machines in my office," said Gore. "I did not want to miss this chance to witness the dawn of the BeOS on Intel and explore the new applications being introduced here at the BeDC. Plus, I wanted one of those cool T-shirts."

While generally met with enthusiasm, some remained skeptical of the Vice President's visit, suspecting it was an attempt to secure the "Be Vote", which is suspected to be substantial by the next Presidential election in the year 2000.

Gore also reported that many government departments and labs have adopted the BeOS and have not looked back.

When asked about his favorite application for the BeOS, Gore seemed torn:

"I find Pe invaluable for writing speeches and other official documents; for fun I like popping into NASA headquarters and exploring their customized version of 3D Starchart.

Another surprise came from attendee Guy Kawasaki, the famed "Apple Evangelist".

"I think I may have to step down from 'Evangelist' to 'Enthusiast' after today," Kawasaki said. "After seeing the power of the BeOS, I cannot honestly promote the Mac OS as the best OS around anymore."

George Lucas and some representatives from Industrial Light and Magic took in the conference and handed out t-shirts reading "Be: OS of the Jedi". ILM is making extensive use of the BeOS in the filming of the Star Wars "prequel" movies, and a "derivation" of the BeOS is featured in the movie as the OS of choice for the Jedi organization.

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