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7 January, 6.02pm
BeOS Set-top Box Rumors
Recently, several rumors have made its way to Be Dope offices of a BeOS "set-top" box with the working code name of "Kovacs".

According to scattered reports, the prototype has several undocumented "features" that have surfaced in early alpha testing:

Intelligence Filter:
Kovacs will flat-out refuse to broadcast shows that are actually harmful to the viewer's intelligence (examples include reruns of Family Matters and 82% of the shows on the WB network). Alpha testers report after an initial frustration they soon felt noticably smarter and could not recall why they would ever want to watch the programs in the first place.

Ad filtering:
Besides providing a simple interface for recording programs, Kovacs will automatically filter out all commercials. When watching in real-time, commercials can be blanked out and replaced with web pages, music and/or relaxing images.

BS Detection
Kovacs will alert you whenever it detects a less than truthful tone in non-entertainment content. Optionally, it will then translate and present subtitles in realtime. The translator can also be used to decipher foreign language channels, lawyer-speak, politician-speak and car leasing terms into common English.

Search By Content:
If you're not sure what program you want to watch, simply describe what you're in the mood for and Kovacs will scan the available channels and report back with summaries of matches.

Sitcom Projection:
After the first four minutes of any sitcom, Kovacs will project and summarize what will happen, thus releasing you of having to actually watch the program.

Follow the Money:
During newscasts, Kovacs will trace exactly how a story benefits the parent company of the network broadcasting it.

Descrambling
For some reason, even scrambled channels tune in clearly and without fail.

Be Dope will report on this as events develop.

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6 January, 5.30pm
Microsoft Unleashes Death From Above (Allegedly)
Late last night, Hitachi's Japan headquarters was destroyed as a searing bolt of intense heat and light descended upon it from high in the sky. The bolt was so intense that the entire structure was instantly vaporized into atoms and the earth transformed into a sea of white-hot molten lava in a half mile radius around where the building formerly stood.

According to authorities, no one was in the building at the time, although they admit it is hard to tell for sure since not even dust remained after the attack. Local police have attributed the source of the attack as "an advanced, laser-equipped satellite, somewhere in orbit around the earth." This is the first laser-death satellite attack on record for the area.

Hitachi has no official comment on the attack. Unofficially, Be Dope sources have learned high-ranking Hitachi officials believe Bill Gates, Microsoft CEO, was personally responsible for the destruction of their building.

"Soon after we started shipping systems with the BeOS pre-installed, we received a visit from the Microsoft Goon Squad (MGS)," said a source close to Hitachi on condition of anonymity. "They were quite 'displeased' by the BeOS arrangement. We dismissed their threats and demands, but it would seem they were not kidding around."

Rumor has it several Hitachi officials received email from Bill Gates the day before the attack asking if it was unseasonalby hot at Hitachi HQ.

The buzz in Silicon Valley agrees this could be construed as some sort of warning.

"Be has stated it was talking with several OEMs about bundling the BeOS - what happened to Hitachi is being taken as a warning as what might happen to certain companies if they also decided to cooperate with Be," emailed an official from a leading OEM.

Our source close to Hitachi reports officials are dedicated to continue shipping machines with the BeOS pre-installed.

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5 January, 4.48pm
BeOS Brains Behind Van Gogh Forgeries
The art world was shocked today when it was revealed that several "recently discovered" works by artist Vincent Van Gogh are in fact forgeries made possible by the BeOS.

Several students of the School of Visual Arts in New York City have claimed responsibility for the deception, claiming it was a research project that "got a bit out of control."

According to authorities, the forgeries were discovered when certain paintings were x-rayed for insurance purposes, revealing the words "This is a fake" along with the names of the students responsible written in felt-tip marker on the canvas below the paint.

The United States Art Enforcement Agency (AEA) worked closely with museum officials around the world to subsequently examine all Van Gogh paintings "discovered" in the last few years. Without fail, each painting contained similiar information hidden beneath the surface of the painting.

AEA agents stormed the studio of Davis Loomis, a School of Visual Arts student whose name was among those listed on the forged paintings. Taken into evidence was paints, brushes, art history books, a BeBox and a set of Lego Mindstorms.

Faced with the evidence before him, Loomis soon confessed.

"It all started as an experiment," Loomis explained. "Could a computer be programmed to imitate the style of a famous painter to the point where even experts cannot tell the difference?"

According to Loomis' confession, early attempts fell flat, and virtually no progress was made until they borrowed the BeBox from a friend.

"Suddenly, the computer was able to integrate with the massive amount of input we fed it and still successfully control the robotic arm we built using the Lego Mindstorm kit," said Loomis.

Along with a massive neural net which included all of Van Gogh's acutal works and detailed analysis of his style, the group was for the first time simultaneously run a mental_anguish_server. The two apps worked together to communicate with the paintbrush_server, which controlled the Lego robot arm.

The team knew they had made progress when they woke up to discover the BeBox had used the robotic arm to remove its own case and cut out one of its processors with a putty knife.

"The paintings came soon after that," revealed Loomis. "Our original plan was to sell just one painting, reveal the origin and return the money."

According to authorities, the students went from being starving artists to well-fed, oppulent, self-indulging, consumer-crazy, designer drug consuming and lavish party throwing artists almost overnight."

"There was no turning back," Loomis added.

At press time, the BeBox was reported to be in critical but stable condition at Mt. Sinai Medical Center and will receive psychological counseling as its condition improves.

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4 January, 9.22pm
BeOS: On The Next Jerry Springer
It seems even Jerry Springer, scourge of the daytime talkshow, is not unaware of the importance the BeOS has taken on in the everday life of its users. At the end of today's episode, producers revealed a topic under development is "I was left for the BeOS".

"We focus on important social issues - issues that tear people's lives apart," said Eliza Brock, executive producer. "We want to help these people - our show is all about helping the less fortunate. And, when necessary, wrestling the less fortunate to the ground, kicking them and hitting them with chairs."

According to Brock, there is no shortage of hard luck stories caused by the BeOS.

"We have one couple from Madison, WI - both long time Mac users," Brock related. "Then, the wife starts dual-booting into the BeOS. Next thing you know, not only is she happier, but she is getting her work done more quickly. By the time Netscape launches for her husband she is out the door for a water skiing lesson with Lance, the virile next-door neighbor."

Brock reports the episode will air sometime during the Februarys ratings sweeps.

"We hope to provoke thoughtful discussion, powerful insights, mild violence and maybe show a little skin," Brock added.