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At a packed press conference, Apple interim CEO Steve Jobs announced he would now be available in six translucent colors (or "flavors"), following in the footsteps of the popular iMac and iBook Apple products. The announcement is exptected to revitalize the Steve Jobs line, which had become a bit outdated and received with less enthusiasm by the public.

"Now, when I make myself available for a press conference, interview or board meeting, you have the choice of six new spectacular flavors," said a Cherry Kool-Aid Red iCEO.

The herd of journalists assembled for the event were predictably impressed.

"Oooh - shiny, shiny!" babbled one.

While a few did not care for the view of the internal organs the translucent iCEO displayed, most praised the new design. "I always thought Jobs was a pompous, heartless bastard, but now I see that that is not true," commented one industry analyst. "Well, at least the part about the heart."

"This gives Jobs a much needed boost as the patent on the phrase 'insanely great' is due to run out soon," noted MacWEEK's John Batteiger right on cue.

One journalist, speaking from inside a lead-lined hazmat suit, was widely ignored as he attempted to warn everyone that the new translucent design only served to amplify the effect of Jobs' Reality Distortion Field.

Along with Cherry Kool-Aid, the iCEO is available in Blueberry Kool-Aid, Lime Kool-Aid, Grape Kool-Aid, Orange Kool-Aid and You're Fired Graphite.

John C. Dvorak was seen asking Jobs out on a date after the presentation, claiming that he suddenly found the iCEO "girly".

Posted on Thu 14 Oct 10:15:59 1999 PDT
Written by mike popovic <editor@bedope.com> [ Author Info ]

mike popovic is the iCEO of Be Dope and recently showed up in After Y2K! after a bizarre yet uninteresting rotoscope incident.

No Kool-Aid was harmed during the production of this article.